When should I give up ?
It’s a weird heading right ? “when should I give up ?” Do I need to give up ?
Well, right now I am on the verge of giving up. Pushing myself to stay motivated but not having enough.
Here is my story. As the covid 19 pandemic is going on everyone is sitting inside the house, kind of detached from the outside world. I am also not different from anyone else. Recently we all celebrated the one year anniversary of lock down.
It all started last year meaning March 2020, the lockdown and YouTube videos motivated me so much that I started learning new things. I learnt painting, sketching, making earrings, and started to think of new business ideas(which I dropped obviously).
I started learning new words and vocabularies, started checking out blogs and created my own google blog and medium account as well. Checked out videos and read novels to get more words in action. Noted down all the words learnt and thought of a novel idea. Started reading english newspaper. Well, well I did so much right ? Hell yeah. As an IT professional, I need to do office work, house work and find time for my additional interest. It was fun.
A year has passed just like that. Now when I am trying to write something new, unique, the explanation of a situation the protagonist is in, or any other short story, I am running out of words. I am not getting enough ideas and words to portray the story that I want the outside world to read. I am thinking that whatever I am doing will that be enough to start a career in writing ? Would I reach at least 50% of the path I had set up for myself ? Will I taste the first bite of success, or I am just wasting my time and focus on some random new interest of mine ?
So many unanswered questions. If I think in one direction then it feels like, yeah everyone starts their journey from some point, I might be a late comer but I will definitely reach my destination and in another point of view, I feel like I am just wasting time on something in which there is no future. I could have spent this time on refining my already acquired skills and technologies.
So should I give up now ? Back to square one. Now I am planning to make a routine for myself. I will spend 2 to 3 hours reading, writing and learning English and another 2 to 3 ours to sharpen my technical skills. Then I will not have the confusion for the future and most importantly I will not have this guilt of dissatisfaction. If I spend time on both then I will continue my journey as an IT professional without insecurities and at the same time I will be ready to use the newly acquired knowledge in action.
If you ask me the same question again “When should I give up ?”, my answer will be “No, Never”. After working on so many extra activities, I finally found my interest to work on. I will push myself to follow the path. If I feel like giving up, then I will just think “One more step” and that will keep me motivated. Right now also I am doing the same. I needed motivation to write and here I have written my thoughts in almost 600 words. It doesn’t matter how much time it will take for me to complete one novel, 2 years, 5 years, or 10 years, I will continue my journey.
Giving up is an easier way to run away from difficult situations. Why should we run, when we can stop, turn back, face it and surpass all the fear and agitation and move on. I am doing that. Can You ? Think about it.